Tag Archives: love

…istumbledandfoundimaginary…

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I often forget,
To be excited.
About being myself.
Not that my plate was filthy,
But it’s clean now.
And I need to make it shine.
I get excited about what hasn’t been.
Yet.
My life is all pre meditated and I like it.
I often forget.
We must crawl before we can walk.
And I’ve just been born.
Again,
I’m impatient
And unsettled.
I’m alone.
I’m afraid.
But it’s ok.
Because I’ve got myself.
And i am doing well.
I’m alive
And breathing
I can walk
And see,
It’s ok to be me today.

between tiny islands

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Here I drift,
Between tiny islands.
A branch of the pacific
On my way home,
Again.
And here I am.
It’s funny to think
Not a month ago
I was in the south.
Deep down and swallowed
In the south.
A different world and a different mind
A different place and a different time.
As we gallop across the desert
I found my self surrounded by everything familiar.
The roads I now travel with ease once seemed so foreign and unseen.
Unlike the dirt roads and back streets I knew as a child yet I feel at home.
And there I was,
Not even a month ago,
Running from sand storms
And finding comfort in a rectangular box on wheels in which I shared with 4 others.
Now, here I am
Drifting
Between tiny islands
A branch of the pacific
And a bird,
A bird white in colour
With who knows what intentions
(if birds even have intentions)
Drifts.
Riding every wave of the wind,
With ease and comfort
And below,
Guilt and glee
Passionate and free
Some angry,
We float
Across the sea.
Here I am,
Im drifting
Between tiny islands
The north pacific seas.
And there is a man in the corner
Huffing glue.
An elderly couple
Who love like it’s new.
Here I am,
Afloat, the ocean below.
Searching for something.
A culture shock
Or a home, made of mud and rock.
Foreign talk or a foreign walk
A foreign taste or a new forest lake.
Here,
I drift
Out of tiny islands
…and we dock…

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I had a plan
Where did it go
I had an escape
Left it to fate
Here I am
Yeah
There I went
I had a plan
Where did it go
We knew along
We grew up wrong
Here you are
Yeah
There you went
I had a plan
Where did it go
I was wrong
To leave it so late
Here I am
Yeah
There I went
Had an escape
Left it to fate
And there it went.

…accountable…

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I love my self and I love my life
I love this world and all it’s grime
I’m not afraid of when I’ll die
Light it up
Let’s get high
And I know and I know it’s such a shame
And I know and I know it’s all a game
And I’ll play you like you’ve never been played
And I saved you when you were dead
So get your twisted thoughts out of my head cause I won’t be held accountable
I won’t be held accountable
I know a thing or two about love
Ive Been down in the dumps for long enough
I’m not afraid of anything
Light it up let’s do it again
And I know and I know it’s such a shame
And I know and I know it’s all a game
And I’ll play you like you’ve never been played
And I saved you when you were dead so get your twisted thoughts out of my head
Cause I won’t be held accountable
I won’t be held accountable
I love my self and I love my life
I love this world and all it’s grime
I’m not afraid of when I’ll die
Light it up
Let’s get high
And I know and I know it’s such a shame
And I know and I know it’s all a game
And I’ll play you like you’ve never been played
And I saved you when you were dead
So get your twisted thoughts out of my head cause I won’t be held accountable
I won’t be held accountable

uPaNdAwAy

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I do the things I know I shouldn’t
And years ago I said I wouldn’t
It’s not a lack of will
Or that I couldn’t
I can resist
I can
Resist anything
Except temptation
An internal deliberation
And a moments consideration
It’s like jumping tracks
Half a mile from the railway station
I do now,
What then I couldn’t
If I knew then
Then maybe I wouldn’t
I can stop
Perhaps I shouldn’t

…sorrynochildren…

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It’s all pre fabricated thoughts
And moments we can’t escape
It’s like the things we can’t change
And in a moments grace
Some will burn
and some will fade
It seems we come in a medicated state
And with prescriptions we choose to take
Like her love for the place she comes from
It’s a life’s mistake
And a moment of fate.
its in the milk.
In the milk.
Oh,
oh. the milk

…idontcarewhatswrongidontcarewhatsrightijustwanttolivemylife…

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The smudges have turned to blurs and the blanket of white now shimmers gold as you gaze to off into the distance.
It appears central Canada is warming up early this year..
Prior to our departure from Winnipeg yesterday morning, I looked at the weather reports for Regina and it was projected to be -37 degrees, likely making that the coldest city we have visited so far. Much to our surprise it was far from that. Infact, it was the complete opposite. I got off the bus in a hoodie thinking I was completely insane and it turns out I am not..(for the time being anyway). It was a whopping -3 degrees.
Almost refreshing.

The shimmer of gold is what you expect to see in July when driving thru these parts but for some reason the wheat like growths have either a) come early b) survived what I assume to be a harsh winter (based on previous experiences and general knowledge of Canadian geography and weather patterns) and have lasted until the snow started to melt (seems unlikely that this would ever be the case) or c) The province of Saskatchewan has got off lucky so far this year and hasn’t had a bad winter (also very unlikely).
Regardless of the reason(s) why, it is very different from yesterday. In years gone by I normally feel completely vulnerable driving thru this province, but today is almost inviting as we drive north on highway 11 from Regina to Saskatoon. In previous attempts to get thru or around Saskatchewan it always seems as though you will never make it out. The last time I made this trek was 4 years ago, close to this time (actually it was 4 years and one month ago) and we got stranded in the worst snow storm I had ever seen (and to this day never seen anything like it). Before that, it was the summer and it was blistering hot and we ran out of gas and of course there was nothing remotely close to us and before that I was on a family vacation heading west thru Northern Saskatchewan from Winnipeg and the hail and rail got so bad we had to set up shop at a rest area and wait (forever) for it to pass before carrying on.
So I am a bit skeptical.
So what.
Today though.
Today might just be a great day.
Yesterday’s broken black haze on the horizon is now an carefully painted baby blue pastel colour and if you look beyond that you find soft misty white clouds in formations not even my imagination could create.
Grain silos and power generating windmills are becoming more common and the little towns, they are really little.
The roads straighter and longer and a place to stop for important breaks are becoming more and more infrequent but before you know it, we will be at today’s destination and we start all over again.

This reminds me of a micro Kansas in a macro way.

…our.hearts.are.like.powerlines.in.the.eye.of.a.storm…

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There is a hint of purity and innocence in a landscape covered in snow.
For as far as the eye can see, mine capture a blanket of white with a broken black haze on the horizon. Scattered sparsely thru out the open plains and off in the distance there are a few smudges resembling that of a farm house.
A little bit closer,
Some farm equipment seemingly left for dead at the first sign of winter.
And the foreground,
A tree.
It is almost the perfect tree.
It stands tall and proud and straight as an arrow.
Its branches,
They appear to be symmetrical.
It seems unlikely but I like to think its possible.
There is no whiz of passing cars.
Not a whistle from a bird.
The perfectly tuned hum of industry and big city is non existent.
there is no splash of a body of water or the howl of wind.
The only sound is the constant ringing in my ears and it might drive me insane.
The lack of sound and the calming energy makes me anxious but I know I could soon grow to love it (maybe not forever).
Is this desolation or inspiration?
Is this isolation or freedom?
If we live in a “free world” then this might be paradise.
The only warmth to my hands as I snap a few photos is that of a cigarette nearing its end.
I retreat inside to be informed by the talking box (as imperfect as it is) that it is -31 degrees Celsius and frostbite can happen in less then minutes to skin exposed to the crisp cold morning air.

…I guess this is a grim prairie winter in central Canada…

I’ll be the rainbow when the sun is gone

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Los Angeles is cold.
I am warm.
By body is freezing and I am all bundled up.
I was asked a question last night.
That question was.
“What is the most important thing about you that I should know?”
I don’t think I have been asked a question as thought provoking as that in well… Ever maybe.
Its not like it was a job interview and I could give some bs answer.
After a few sips of tea and a bite of vegan cheese cake I came to an answer.
My answer was..
” I need to love and I need to care”
I don’t need to be in love and I am pretty careless (all things considered).
But I need to love what I am doing. Or what I am into.
I need to care about what I love.
And I do.
Being on tour and doing anything related to music is my love.
It is (for the most part) my life.
And I love it.
This time around, I don’t care to be home.
And as much as I love vancouver, I don’t really love the life I lead there ( at the age I am at anyways)
I love the world.
I love people.
And the last 3 weeks has been confirmation of that very statement.
No other job that I would want to do allows me to see New York, Toronto, Chicago and Los Angeles all in a week or two time frame.
No other job that I care to do would give me the opportunity to love what I know.
To love who I know.
To love what I know.
I don’t mean to brag.
Infact,
I would hardly consider it bragging.
I’m broke.
I’m essentially homeless.
With the exception of the RV we now call home.
And will do so for the next two weeks.
Showers are hard to come by now that we are not in hotels.
“Doing Laundry” consists of trips to Wal-Mart or Target to buy new socks and underwear.
And there is no joys in trying to piss in an empty water bottle, barreling down the interstate at 80 miles an hour.
But this love.
And love comes with a cost.
Happiness.
To be or not to be…
(as cliche as it is)
That is the question.
And I choose to be.
I have distractions (as we all do).
I have issues.
I have problems.
being un happy is not one of them.
(maybe it’s the medication)
I believe because I love…

…andlovecuresall…